so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
sarcasm needs its own font
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
