I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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