Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
