I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
