Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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