So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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