I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
3 2 1 whiskey
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
