I just cut my nipple shaving
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Did I show you my penis last night?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
