Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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