His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
