You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
