I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
