3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just made out with a guy for $7.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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