I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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