I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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