So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
