Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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