'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
