I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
sex in a hospital.. check
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
