In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
