he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
