yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
