did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
