i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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