You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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