I want to stick my p in your. b.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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