I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
