he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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