So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
