i already hear my dad disowning me
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
