oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
