I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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