No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
