My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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