walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
