you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
