Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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