um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
