GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
did you just send me my own nude
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
