barbara walters just said penis...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
