he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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