sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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