All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
