4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
