You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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