So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
