I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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