I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
