Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
