Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
