I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
